To be completely honest, I am an insecure writer. It is my creative illness more than writer’s block or procrastination is.
A couple of years ago, when I was the most active in writing, I used to jot ideas down everywhere. –on tissue paper, my phone, or scrap paper. It got to the point where I decided to bring a mini-notebook everywhere with me, so that I would be prepared when the inspiration struck.
Essentially, what stopped me from writing was the fear I developed from reading other materials that started to feel like we were all sounding the same. –like me and every other writer in the world (except for the New York Times bestsellers authors) were spewing the same old, same old. This refers to topics and opinions alike.
What made it worse was when I got into writing reviews. Being a critic, regardless of if you reviewed food or some other goods/services, requires credibility and being highly opinionated. The credibility part is a matter of honesty. If you plan on giving a fair review (pros and cons alike), then you were set. With being opinionated on the other hand, I had a bit of difficulty.
Sometimes you just want to skewer someone. To be cheeky because you had meant to be. But it’s not always easy to simply say it, as I have been brought up to try and be tactful. And when I see some “out there” reviews, I can’t help but think that maybe the author is just being an asshole for the shock factor. Like it’s a form of sensationalism, really, so that more people will read the piece. But then perhaps the credibility goes out the window?… It does, after all, seem like an exaggeration.
And so, if you’re wondering why I’m here again and still trying, perhaps it’s just the writer in me that has to churn something out. Never mind that no one’s paying attention and that these blogs may seem like a crock of shit. I’m starting to learn what it really means to do this for the art: Finding the balance in being fair, but having an entertaining way of sharing my stories. And loving my material, regardless of readership. (i.e. Don’t be a sell-out for the sake of having an audience.)
I keep coming across this quotation, and it seems to fit the bill perfectly:
Work like you don’t need the money.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Dance like no-one’s watching.
Sing like no-one’s listening.
Live like there’s no tomorrow.
Fear like a stone.